You’ve navigated the day like a pro. You prepared three nutritious meals (yes, with broccoli!), organized a playdate, and even anticipated a meltdown over an Elsa dress by bringing a backup. You deserve a round of applause! Now, as the day winds down, you face the final challenge: bedtime. Cue the anxiety.
As a parent to a spirited 3-year-old, I know bedtime can be daunting. Despite a day filled with fun activities—like a visit to the Bubble Museum—once evening falls, toddlers seem to summon an endless reserve of energy, resisting sleep with all their might. Could a few simple phrases make bedtime smoother? I consulted sleep expert Macall Gordon for tips on extending the day’s positive vibe into the nighttime routine.
Meet the Expert
Macall Gordon serves as a senior lecturer in the graduate counseling psychology program at Antioch University. She is a certified Gentle Sleep Coach, trained by Kim West, and contributes to the women’s telehealth platform, Maven Clinic. Her upcoming book, Why Won’t You Sleep?!: A Game-Changing Approach for Exhausted Parents of Nonstop, Super Alert, Big Feeling Kids, will be available in November 2024.
Why Do Toddlers Resist Bedtime?
To understand the challenge, let’s explore why toddlers often resist sleep. Here are three common reasons:
- The World Is Just Too Exciting: Gordon notes that active toddlers are often reluctant to stop their fun to go to bed.
- Developing Independence: Starting around age 2, toddlers realize their thoughts can differ from their parents’. When you say, “It’s bedtime,” they might respond with, “I prefer to keep playing.”
- Negotiation Skills: Persistent toddlers can wear down parents during bedtime routines. When parents relent to requests—like an extra story or a glass of water—children learn that stalling can lead to rewards, reinforcing their resistance.
- Overtiredness: Unlike adults, who slow down when tired, toddlers may become hyperactive. They might not show signs of fatigue until it’s too late, so it’s best to have them in bed by 7 or 7:30 PM.
What Not to Say at Bedtime
- “Okay, just for tonight”: This phrase doesn’t work because toddlers can’t grasp the concept of “just for tonight.” If something is allowed once, they’ll expect it again.
- “If you go to bed, you can get a sticker.”: Future rewards don’t resonate with young children. They struggle to trade immediate desires for a distant reward. If you offer rewards, they need to be instant or at least very soon.
- “Please, just go…to…bed.”: While it’s easy to feel frustrated during chaotic bedtimes, excessive emotion can heighten the situation. Instead, aim for a calm and boring approach.
What to Say Instead
Keep it simple: Gordon recommends minimizing your words during this time. Over-explaining only fuels the conversation and invites further negotiation. Use simple phrases like “night-night” or remain silent to signal that it’s time for sleep.
Expert Tips for Bedtime Success
Create a Plan: Gordon emphasizes the importance of having a bedtime routine. Without a clear plan, parents may find themselves in challenging situations, caught between conflicting desires from their toddlers. Anticipate potential requests—like snack time—and decide in advance what is and isn’t allowed. Establishing a chart outlining what will happen at bedtime can help set expectations and reduce decision fatigue, making it easier for everyone involved.
